Nitty Gritty. Sound catchy? Its a word I love/hate. Its appealing because it implies something along the lines of juicy and almost scandelous. Its unappealing because it implies a sense of honesty I do not want to confront most days. I don’t naturally want to get “nitty gritty” with those around me. Translation? I don’t want to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
I want to bend it, cover it with sweet looking daisies blowing in a perfectly tranquil far away meadow and frosting so thick you can’t tell if its a chocolate or marble cake underneath. Maybe that’s what this term “nitty gritty” is getting at: what’s underneath.
Underneath what? If you find me trying to confront a serious life issue or finish a weighty graduate assignment past 10 o’clock p.m. on any given night, you’ll see what’s underneath. If you do not hold the title of roommate or fiance in my life, you probably don’t get to see my personal rendition of “nitty gritty.” Usually during one of these freak-out attacks, my computer is dying or making some awful noise, while my printer shoots out paper at me with weird words I didn’t even type. Great. Just when I need to finish that resume or that thirty page portfolio. The day’s mascera is no longer voluminizing my eye-lashes, but serving as warpaint afloat my soaking wet cheeks.
In these late hours of despair, I come undone. I’d like to think I was frolicking with the daisies in that tranquil meadow, and I’d like to tell you that’s how I’m really doing. But that just wouldn’t be telling you the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
So I want to become more transparent. Why do I need to hide? Pretend? Cheat? Lie? Declare me guilty of all of the above. But what’s uneblievable– is that I’m forgiven– this is the hope that I can cling to to become more real with others. The more I realize that my sins are forgiven, that they are washed away by the graciousness and mercy of God, the more nitty gritty I can be. I can tell you the whole truth, where white lies do not have to make me look just a little bit better.
(to be continued…)
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