Spiritual Rebellion

Right now I am sitting in a North Shore Hotel Room. Lake Superior is staring at me through the window as if it is the whole world, as if I am floating in it. Its beautiful. It is August. I really love this month, I’ve decided. It’s a month in which things that are slow become slower before everything begins moving faster. And the air turns into something warm enough for comfort, but refreshing enough to make you wear jeans instead of shorts.

I am really enjoying my husband right now. I am really enjoying learning this week at the Campus Outreach Staff Retreat. Time with older, wiser people has been so nourishing, eye-opening, and heart-awakening. My favorite part has been devotions because people have made themselves very vulnerable, transparent and real. During devotions, staff have shared about insecurities, sinful tendencies, and how God is finding them in the midst of it all.

Campus Outreach Minneapolis Staff Team

I have been going through a lot of spiritual ups and downs- for example- the other morning, Nick and I woke up, and he wanted to journal and read the bible. My first reaction was anger.  The truth is that our marriage is going to better if Nick (and me) make time for God like this.  So why did I feel angry at such a peaceful attempt to start the day?  Because… I feared… he loved something MORE than…me! The truth is- He DOES (and should!) love something more than me- His creator, His King, His Shepard, His source of strength. I was selfishly upset at the thought of my husband starting off his day with God rather than gazing into my eyes all googly and newly-marriedly- like.  Trust me- we do plenty of this as newly-weds, so skipping this routine, which usually takes place during the groggy moments of pressing our snooze button, would really be alright.  I could have joined him in pursuit of the Lord that morning, but somehow I thought throwing a pity party was a better idea.